Dear Pleasure Delayer,
You know who you are.
When the platter of crispy-hot tempura arrives, you save the shrimp for last – it’s your favorite – even though you know (you know!) that it will be lukewarm and slightly soggy by the time you reach it.
You wait and wait and wait to wear that gorgeous dress you bought that you love so much. You look at it sometimes in the closet, loving the colors of the fabric, the drape and feel of it. But it seems too special, so you wait and wait for the exact “special occasion”.
You love your deep green Urban Decay eyeliner, the 24/7 one that glides on so effortlessly! And stays, actually stays on your eyelid. But it seems like such a vivid color and you don’t want to freak anyone out and it seems like it needs to be pulled out for a moment that calls for glitter, not for this very now. So it sits in the box, waiting, unused.
Your art supplies! The stashes of images, paints! The blank canvases! The exact-o knives, glue gun, sharpie pens! Water colours, water colour papers, acrylics and oils! The items you painstakingly collected from here and there around the globe, just waiting for the perfect collage, the perfect assembling the perfect piece. You are always scared you are going to fuck it up so you don’t even try, then you are scared you won’t do them justice, so it all just sits there, waiting. Waiting. Waiting for the time in which you’ll feel confident enough to wrap your hands around something that brings you pure joy.
Well, Pleasure Delayer. Guess what I just did?
I just filled up our mini van with things that I can’t use now that I’m fulfilling an even greater dream. It’s bittersweet, knowing that to do one, I need to let go of the other.
The dress that I loved no longer even fits my postpartum body.
The eyeliner isn’t good to use with my eyes anymore.
My art supplies – my trove of treasured potential – gone. I didn’t even make the collage with the Chicano art. Nothing, nada. All gone, zip.
The moment was yesterday, the moment was last year, the moment was the moment that I set sight upon whatever it was: the dress, the eyeliner, the deck of cards, the magenta shimmering paint. That was the moment that demanded attention, wanted to be enjoyed in the now.
My Dear Pleasure Delayer:
You are more likely to just be left grappling whispers of dreams by delaying your pleasure. The shrimp tempura won’t stay crisp and hot forever; you may as well bite that one that you like the best and enjoy it first.
Wear the dress, the eyeliner – today being today is a good enough occasion!
Make the collages! The paintings! Spread the paint on with a palette knife, thick and shining and rich and true. All art – made with intention – is good! And if only in that it’s made you happy by doing it, it’s served its purpose!
It’s just not worth it.
I so hope you are really listening and won’t just nod, “yeah”, “one more post on doing what you want” and shrug on past something you love that’s waiting. No, no, no! Can you do me a huge, enormous favor and promise me you will commit to doing something today – TODAY!! – that you *really* want to do – be it wearing the red lipstick, making a collage, contacting the choir for an audition, writing the essay that you have in you. Something. Whatever it is. Something challenging and something that has been sitting in a corner, whispering your name.
Don’t make my mistake.