This is how it goes:
I wake up at 4 something in the morning to figure out wp framework. Mack wakes up with my waking up, he wants to nurse. So that happens. Then – around an hour later? – I can finally slip out, make a cup of coffee and figure out things that confuse me. I usually write a blog post while I am trying to figure things out. I get sidetracked on social media. I edit some photos. I sort of tinker around a bit more with that plugin or the other one and – oh! Mack’s up again! Moxie too!
This is invariably right when I’m in deep with a twisted knot of something – so I spend the next hour sort of doing a half-assed job with everything. With the problem, with an online conversation, with my kids. It’s all done with a fraction of my brain, and my brain is already operating with injury, so I end up constantly feeling fried, scattered, divided. And I end up feeling guilty that I’m not paying wonderful attention to my 3 little love-drops (two of whom are plunked in front of Dora as I type this, the other is sleeping on my lap).
It feels exactly like that saying: when you put the small stones into a jar first, then try and fit the large ones in, they won’t fit.
And when you put the large stones in first, adding the small stones after, they will.
I’ve got a lot of large stones right now – these ones
– which are huge, solid and joyful, to be sure.
The other stones in the jar are the things that I try and figure out at 5 in the morning and kind of end up wanting to sacrifice small animals over (- that’s totally just a joke, okay?) (probably a bad one, but that’s what happens when you try and figure out plugin-shumugins-head/width/px-whatever nonsense for too long – bad jokes happen).
But this stuff needs doing.
So I’m going to take a break from this blog and a break from social media (- and of course, by “social media” I mean “facebook”).
Try and focus on the big things.