Welcoming 2014, Without the List

Well, hmm. Today is the last day of 2013, the year that we are supposed to be flying our cars and hoverboards according to Back to the Future. I am thinking of the long lists that I’ve always written about this time of year – lists about what I hope to accomplish in the coming 365 days or so, lists about what I yearn for, dream of, fantasize about. Lists with dates to accompany the goals! Lists without ’em! Lists in cursive, lists in print, lists printed from lovely little Word documents. Lists, lists, lists.

But… well… guess what?

The other day I was walking behind Mikey.

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I was carrying an antsy, whiny, half-crying MacQuinn while hyped up Moxie and overtired Micah were walking ahead.

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It struck me all of the sudden: HOLY SHIT. I have a beloved.

That might seem achingly obvious to you all, but remember, I started this blog 6 years ago and it was called Finding Ruby’s Father. I was 34, a serial dater and had really given up hope of finding my one true love. In fact, I had signed up for orientation to be a foster mother because love/no love, I wanted to be a mother. And then somehow I met the most perfect person for me.

I have a beloved.

So then it struck me: HOLY SHIT. I also have THREE KIDS. Even starting as late as I did, I was blessed to have THREE kids! THREE! When I didn’t even think I might ever have one.

And then, whoah, MEXICO! I mean, we are somehow living out our scariest and most desired of dreams.

How wonderful is life? How amazing is life? How magical is the world?

Yeah. I was ready for unicorns to fly out of the sky and colour up some rainbows.

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But really. So what kind of lists will I draw up this year? My goals? Dreams to work on?

The only one is this: I need to work on believing that everything and anything really can happen, that if we believe it, we’ll see it.

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I don’t want to get too melodramatic but it’s true that there have been a lot of odds against every part of this: finding Mikey, having the kids, and making this here and now happen. If this can all happen,  anything can happen.

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While this is a fact, I tend to forget it and let the numbing effects of everyday life get to me. I lose sight of it, tend to not start to not really believe it anymore.

So, I need to believe this in my marrow and live the rest of my life with that belief as close as my life breath.

That’s it for me. What about you?

PS

Micah's reached the stage where he can't stop making faces for the camera
Micah’s reached the stage where making faces for the camera is like, THE FUNNEST THING, EVER

 

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Meriah
Meriah Nichols is a deaf artist, tech-junkie, Counselor (and sometime teacher), mom (one with Down syndrome), cat-lover, Trekkie, yurt-dwelling off-the-grid farmer's wife. She writes about travel, disability, and getting dishes done.

6 Comments

    • dude! I had a dream with you in it last night! we were going someplace and you were having May drive the car by herself!! (- does that mean anything? it was so crazy!!)

      • I had a dream about you last night too! I dreamt that you guys stopped by my house for some reason, and I was playing with Moxie. We lined up some of May’s bunnies and were feeding them make believe food with tiny plastic gelato spoons. Maybe we were trying to meet each other in another dimension but have not reached our rendez-vous point on our first try! Let’s do it again next year lol

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