Sponges

I don’t know about you, but I remember a bunch of weird crap from when I was a kid. It’s so random – like, those 25 lb bags of carrots that my mom used to buy for us to snack on, and how I ate so many that I could see in the dark something fierce.

I have no idea what my kids are going to remember from this lushly weird childhood that we are giving them. I sure hope it’s going to be good stuff.

Like… I hope they remember how they enjoyed saying, “hi!” to each and every person as we waited to see the doctor – and how the faces of those that they greeted lit up in surprise and delight by their cheerful friendliness.

Meriah Nichols Effort-1 Meriah Nichols Effort-2

I hope they remember how much FUN they made each and every playground visit. How they ruled those small spaces and absolutely wrung out every bit of joy they could.

Meriah Nichols Effort-12 Meriah Nichols Effort-11 Meriah Nichols Effort-10 Meriah Nichols Effort-8 Meriah Nichols Effort-7 Meriah Nichols Effort-6 Meriah Nichols Effort-5 Meriah Nichols Effort-3

I hope they remember stopping to look at flowers with me. I hope they think of me when I’m old, and think of flowers.

Meriah Nichols Effort-35 Meriah Nichols Effort-32 Meriah Nichols Effort-33 Meriah Nichols Effort-31 Meriah Nichols Effort-30

Like I think of them and think of sunshine and bright light.

I hope their memories with one another blend together in a long stream of togetherness and solidify like colorful jello.

Meriah Nichols Effort-29 Meriah Nichols Effort-28 Meriah Nichols Effort-27 Meriah Nichols Effort-26 Meriah Nichols Effort-25 Meriah Nichols Effort-24 Meriah Nichols Effort-23 Meriah Nichols Effort-22

In the midst of all this, I hope they know I tried.

Most of the time, I feel like I’m herding, yelling, nourishing, dressing, praising, admonishing them. It’s like this endless –‘ing. I feel like “no” comes to my lips faster than any “yes” and that bothers me a lot.

I don’t want to be that kind of mother.

But I also don’t want my kids eating crap all day long while being tethered to some device.

“no”, “no”, “NO!”

Meriah Nichols Effort-17

I honestly try. I try to rise above my “no’s”, I try to get things going and keep them moving in a happy way. I don’t know if this will be the one thing that they will just happen to remember, you know? Like how I remember the bag of carrots from my own childhood.

Meriah Nichols Effort-5 Meriah Nichols Effort-21 Meriah Nichols Effort-18 Meriah Nichols Effort-16 Meriah Nichols Effort-15 Meriah Nichols Effort-14Solo parenting kicks my ass and I don’t know how single mothers do it.

At least I have Mikey around SOME of the time; at least I have him full time for 5 months of the year.

Meriah Nichols Effort-9 Meriah Nichols Effort-8 Meriah Nichols Effort-6 Meriah Nichols Effort-7But it’s lonely. And it’s hard.

Then somehow we slip into these grooves – like, where the kids just seem to understand me (and I, them) so well – we are on this higher level of intuitiveness. We just seem to gel and I don’t have to actually say much anymore.

Meriah Nichols Effort-13 Meriah Nichols Effort-12 Meriah Nichols Effort-11And then… oh, it’s so sweet.

Like they are sponges dipped in water, soaking it up, soaking it up. And when I need it, they just pour it right back.

Meriah Nichols Effort-3

Meriah
Meriah Nichols is teacher and artist who lives in a yurt off the grid. She is deaf, has 3 kids (one with Down syndrome) and a lot of chickens. She writes about travel, disability, and getting dishes done. She likes her tea Earl Grey and hot.
Meriah

@meriahnichols

#deaf mom, teacher & #disability activist, living in a yurt #offthegrid. 3 kids (1 with #downsyndrome), a camera and a lot of chickens. Never a dull moment
A comprehensive collection of resources for new parents of children with Down syndrome - https://t.co/WfzGfpmWm6 - 2 hours ago
Meriah
Liked it? Take a second to support Meriah on Patreon!

2 Comments

  • i love the “wild” picture of Mac! I keep on seeing Moxie and Mac as same size until the water pump picture, wow she has grown !

    • oh, they still are pretty much the same size… she is a bit bigger, but it’s like half a clothing size!
      How are you?? I have thought of you a lot this month, wondering if your #3 has come… and how you all are…
      xoxo love to you

I'm opinionated, friendly & chatty... I hope you are, too