Lovely Jesusita (“Tia Susie”) sent the kids presents from Texas. That included an Elsa dress that Moxie wore for 3 days in a row, a life-sized Elsa doll that sits next to Moxie at the table, and fun things for all 3, including kites.
Mack saw those kites and his head about exploded. He could.not.wait to get outside and let that kite rip, but day after day was rainy and completely un-kite-worthy. Then came a day that was sunny. He busted it out.
There was a small problem of the wind. As in, there was none.
So after a few tries of running down the hill as fast as he could, trying to get the kite to float aloft, he hollered for Micah and Moxie’s help.
They all worked on the mechanics of the kite body, the tail, the configuration.
I took photos of the budding poppies.
And the pond, that is chock-full of water, which is kind of cool.
Mack kept on running down that hill, trying to make the kite take off. Over and over again, he would race down with his hopes on his little face, only to see that the kite would not take off. There just wasn’t any wind.
Mikey came down to take a look at it.
Micah and Moxie had given up and were playing on the trampoline.
Mikey kept helping Mack figure out the kite configuration – what might make it fly? What could mechanically be changed to help it even a little?
And then the wind blew.
I was thinking about that for a long time.
The pieces of trying so hard to make the kite fly, then how high the kite would fly with just a breath of wind, those were not lost on me.
I think about the myriad of times in my life when I have myself been holding on to some kite (maybe it was a job or a boyfriend, not a literal kite) trying to make it work, trying and trying and trying.
And in the end, the only way I could make anything go was to let go and let the wind blow.
Let the wind blow.
I look at the house now –
It looks pretty nice from the outside, down below. What you can’t see in the photo is how unfinished it all is, and how impossible it feels to finish it. Impossible, because of the isolation, impossible because Dana is gone, impossible because it costs so much money.
The outhouse feels impossible too, especially through the winter and the rain.
The roads feel impossible.
Imagine a minimum of 50 minutes of this a day, and you will also understand why we are perpetually fixing the car.
Life seems sometimes to me this interesting adventure in which you need to test your courage to get your dreams rolling and the things you long to experience in play. And from there, it’s an exciting bundle of choice. Choice to run down a hill to fly your kite – ? Or find where the wind will blow?
There is also the choice to check the mechanics of the kite – all of the parameters which would make the kite able to fly in the first place. Those need to be there too, right? So there is also that.
I remember reading Herman Hesse’s Siddhartha (free on kindle, follow that link) when I was living in Tucson, Arizona when I was 22, half my life ago. I remember that nothing struck me so much in that book as a sense of recognition that that would be my life.
That I would, like Siddhartha, experience everything, and I’d come back to the end, to the river, to something so simple.
I knew that at age 22, I know it still and the details remain pieces that my mind longs to slip into place like fitting the pieces of a puzzle together. I want to know, for example: when do we leave? When do we stay? How clear must everything in life be?
And then when I close my eyes and feel my brother Dana in my heart, I know for a certainty that making sense of things with my mind isn’t important. I need to make sense of everything within me. It has to resonate in a clear way with my spirit, and that’s it.
Spring is bursting over here on the Lost Coast, in between all the rain and cold spells.
That 2-hour drive to Costco (or anywhere in town) is still as striking, jaw-dropping and as utterly magnificent as it was when we first came here.
The kids are still romping it in the “bathtub” which we converted from an agricultural tub, and filled with fresh spring water, from this property.
How good can it get, really, when our kids are bathing in water so fresh from the source?!
How amazing is this life that we live, how incredible that we were given the opportunity to experience this at all?!
I am so grateful.
And I lean and feel the wind beneath me, and feel my own spirit loosen it’s hold, allowing that air-force to rise up and lift us.