These are the posts that I have pieced together from the time that my brother Dana was in his coma. They are taken from my photos, memories, messages.
On this day, 4 years ago.
On this day, 4 years ago. You can hear me read this by clicking below, or subscribing to the podcast at the end of this post. _________________________________________________________________ I don’t have such a memory for this day, 4 years ago. I didn’t post anything on social media on this day, 4 years ago. My dear friend…
In Fog: August 14
You can hear me read this by clicking below, or subscribing to the podcast at the end of this post. ____________________________________________________ While I had no Facebook memories yesterday, my facebook memories for today, August 14th, I had a post. At first glance, I thought I had written something about my brother being shot the day…
August 15: Blips
You can hear me read this by clicking below, or subscribing to the podcast at the end of this post. August 15, 2016 Dana was in the ICU of Mercy Hospital in Redding. As Mercy Hospital had a deal with a nicer hotel for families of ICU patients, we shifted rooms there first thing in…
August 16: Settling In
You can hear me read this by clicking below, or subscribing to the podcast at the end of this post. _____ August 16, 2016 I so expected Dana to open his eyes at any moment. I took this photo, and this, fully expecting him to wake up at any minute. Look at you! Wired up,…
August 17: Tethered In Limbo
The bullets were still in Dana. And where he had been torn open by those same bullets was open, covered by wraps. He was being constantly examined for surgery upon surgery – they were not even at the point of getting the bullets out of him. His feet and legs were in pressurized leg wraps…
August 18
Our days were unfolding into a rhythm: wake up at the crack of dawn, go to the hotel breakfast buffet. Their delight in the breakfast array never failed to delight me. It reminded me so much of how excited Dana and I would get over the same stuff when we were kids ourselves. Then we’d…
August 19: Sepsis
August 19, 2016 On this day I could only see Dana once, for a few brief minutes. He had sepsis, and was in danger of losing his hands and feet. This was made more real and serious to me by a friend of a friend, a mother, who had recently had her hands and feet…
August 20 & To The Edge of the Woods
August 20, 2016 Dana loved kids and was wonderful with them, in part, I think, because he had such a playful spirit himself. He exuded this sense of mischief, childlike glee in life. My third child Mack was difficult for me when he was a baby. He would endlessly cry. I was going through a…
August 21st
This is from the 3 week series that honors the time that my brother Dana spent in coma. _______ August 21, 2016 Dana’s oldest daughter Yu Han’s birthday is August 24. Because her brother Jrin Long and his family were only visiting Dana for a short while, we celebrated her birthday early, together. I remember…
August 22
August 22, 2016 Being in limbo. Caught in a waiting space. Confusing fog that blanketed my reality. And my kids, living wholly in the moment. Soaking up the moment. Enjoying the bagels. Playing everywhere, anywhere they could They were not allowed in to see Dana, their spaces were strictly limited to the public areas. Sometimes…
August 23: Groundhog Day
________ August 23rd, 2016 There is something really satisfying about baldly stating what I remember of the events of those 3 weeks that Dana was in coma. There is also something really satisfying about posting unedited photos, all photos that are still on my camera roll, that I haven’t really looked at until now. I…
August 24: Yu Han’s Birthday
August 24, 2016 Dana’s first daughter was born on August 24, 1990. She was born in a very small rural rice farming community in Taiwan, and for her birth, my parents flew over from Hawaii. My dad put together a rocking chair for her mom, Jeanie. We assembled cloth diapers and precious tiny baby clothes. …
August 25: In the Lava Lamp
August 25, 2016 Days were blurring, blurring, blurred. I’d wake up, pray, meditate, write on the floor of the hotel room in the dark, with my laptop on a pillow on my lap. When the kids woke up, they came over to me for hugs, I’d set the laptop to the side as soon as…
August 26th: The Gun Sticker
August 26, 2016 This was apparently the only photo that I took on this day. I can’t explain the depths of revulsion that I felt when I saw that. People who love guns? I don’t think they have ever seen someone they love blown up by one.
August 27: Back to the Yurt
August 27, 2016 I wrote this blog post on August 27: I lost it yesterday morning. I mean, I really lost it. Moxie was hiding inside the dresser drawer, scarfing down popcorn after I told her countless times to get ready so we could go downstairs (in the hotel) and get breakfast (which would be over in…
August 28th: On the Lost Coast
As with this series, the diary accounts of each day come from my photo roll, the photos that I took on that day… August 28, 2016 We lived on the Lost Coast of California. The Lost Coast is a stretch above Fort Bragg and below Eureka, in which Highway 1 was circumnavigated around the coast…
August 29th: On the Lost Coast Part 2
August 29, 2016 There was a lot that I loved about the Lost Coast, and the little school there was one of them. I called it “The Best School Ever” on my blog, and I meant it. There was so much that was great about it. I was positive that Dana was going to wake…
August 30th and 31st: Through the Fog & Back to Redding
August 30, 2016 Micah and Moxie were going to school. I see my husband in the photo on the right, taking Moxie to the truck, and I see Micah standing on the hill by where we parked the trucks. I must have walked them to the truck to see them off. I don’t remember. It’s…
September 1st
September 1st, 2016 We headed straight for the ICU as morning came on September 1st. That was a double BOB stroller, incredibly large and incredibly useful. I put all of their snacks, devices, games, clothing changes in that thing and never had to worry about needing to carry them if they fell asleep. The waiting…
September 2nd: Silence
September 2nd, 2016 I went through the windshield of a car when I was 4 years old. An event of great magnitude, it shaped my life and yet it was one of silence. It was peaceful. I am sure that in the moment, at the time, it was a tornado of twists and energy, but…
September 3rd: The Family Meeting
September 3rd, 2016 With everyone arriving in Redding and needing to be with Dana, I stayed at the hotel, mostly in the jacuzzi. My husband was there, so for the first time, I had the chance to simply breathe and be in the moment and not feel the constant hum in the back of my…
September 4th: Labor Day
September 4th, 2016 My mom reached out to me while I was sitting in the hot tub on the morning of September 4th, staring at the rust-red wall in front of me without seeing anything. My mom said that the doctors had done another test on Dana and they declared him brain dead. I was…
September 5th
(prefacing to say that I can’t bear to read this out loud right now. I am sorry) ___________ September 5th 2016 Dana was declared brain dead on September 4th, and this is why September 4th was the date noted on his death certificate, not September 5th. We did not know this at the time though, or…