Dana’s my brother. My best friend, the person I’ve been closest to my whole life.

He was shot in September 2016, a victim in an armed robbery. He went into a coma and never woke up. He died on September 5th, Labor Day.

I’ve been trying to learn how to live without him.

The site that I made that holds some stories about Dana: Dana in Our Hearts

Dana’s Place: An Update on My Career Trajectory

This is an update post about Dana's Place with an emphasis on my own career trajectory. I had been keeping my nose to the grindstone, plugging away and working, working, working when all of the sudden, I looked up and realized that I hadn't told you any of my plans. Like, I had somehow assumed ...

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Understanding the Connection Between Flowers and Stars

This is a post about grief. I'll never forget driving to the Bay Area from Redding. Dana had been released from this life. Mom, Dana's daughters and I had dealt with the Sheriff's office for hours - since Dana had been shot in Humboldt county, and since the bullets were still in him when he ...

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The Truth About Bullets

On guns, grief and the truth the stories don’t tell

On a Blue Butterfly We Will Fly

This is a post about missing my brother Dana, and birthdays. When you have lost someone you love, I think it's impossible to move through the world the same as you did before you lost them. Everything takes on new meaning - the feather that you see by your foot, the rainbow that bursts from ...

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Dana’s Place: An Update in the Here and Now

I had a dream last night. In it, my brother Dana was doing something in the kitchen of a restaurant and was busy banging around some some big pots and pans. I was in the kitchen as well, working and happy to be working around him. After a while, he just left without saying anything ...

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Here’s What Will Help You With Your Grief

A mostly-material smorgasbord of things that have helped me with grief.

Where I’m Going, What I’m Planning: A Personal Post

It's been a while since I've written a personal post on this blog, isn't it? I've been pretty busy with the lists and resources and things that are useful. But I realized that I haven't caught up with all of you who are my friends and who have been with me for so long here. ...

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The Impact of Disability on Siblings : The Story of Dana and Meriah

Here is the story of growing up with my brother Dana, first published on March 12, 2012. Dana left this world on Labor Day, 2016. ________________________________________________________________ I went through the windshield of a car when I was four years old, back in the day when seatbelts were charming accessories. The glass shredded my face, the head-on collision …

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“Don’t Be Scared of the Dark,” He Said

This is a post about grief. I had been crying so hard and so long that I couldn't open my eyes properly. They were puffy, swollen up so that seeing through them was a chore. I also didn't understand why this in particular was hitting me so hard. I was turning 45, you see. All ...

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Full Circle

When we first moved to Hawaii from Fiji, Dana was 14 and I was 13. We were too young to work in America - and we were both pretty upset about it, as Fiji had had no such "child welfare" rules. Being suddenly dependent on our (broke) parents was awful. Dana turned 15 (the legal ...

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If I Had Known Then What I Know Now

Trigger Warning: guns, violence, death. Grief. I am astonished at how aimless I remain, Dana. I’ve been waking up even earlier than my usual 5 in the morning, often at even 3:30. I get my coffee, my laptop, candles lit. Meditate. I get online, ready and raring to work, and then… I lose focus. I ...

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Walking Through Water

My brother has been gone for 4 months I've developed a routine: I wake up in the morning, go and light a candle for my grandparents and for my great-aunt Ruby and place it in my shrine. I light another for my brother, Dana, which I carry with me to the couch. I wear Dana's ...

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Pinched Off

Dana has been gone for 3 months.

Proof of Heaven?

Eben Alexander’s “Proof of Heaven”

A Bathtub

I’m having a hard day. Everything is reminding me of Dana, and of Dana being gone. It’s hitting me in every direction. That song? He’s gone. That movie? He’s gone. That joke? He’s gone. That book? He’s gone. He’s gone, he’s gone, HE IS GONE. With him goes the only person (besides Grandma) that I …

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The Rabbit Hole

tunneling sides of grief.

He is Gone

Dana has gone.

It’s Not Over Till It’s Over

Well. It turns out that Dana had been really into this one particular TED talk not so long ago. It was called, “Dying to Be Me” – Dana absolutely loved it and made his daughter Yu Han watch it. I put it on and watched it today in his room: (it’s captioned through corrected YouTube …

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Golden Boy

My memories help keep me strong – and writing helps too.


In the middle of a flight or fight.