I Got Called on Being Sexist

This is a short post.

I've got a plate called, "overflowing" stuck in the oven that is "overwhelmed".

But I wanted to tell you about what happened last week.

 

*******

 

I posted this on facebook:

 

I posted it quickly, without thinking. I posted it because I thought it was funny.

 

My friend's husband wrote a short comment, wondering why I posted that and challenged me in it's accuracy. I wish I had copied his comment before I, ashamed, hastily deleted the whole thread. His comments were poignant.

 

On his own page, he wrote,

Time to rant a bit here…
Every day that I check Facebook, I am bombarded by flippant sexist images and posts by many of my female friends. Most of these liberally attribute the poor behavior of some men to apply to all men. I cannot recall ever having seen a similar post degrading women from one of my male friends. I like to think that the people in my life are open-minded, reasoning people. This is precisely why I choose to have them as friends.


It has become commonplace and accepted for women to openly belittle men in forums like this one. This is prejudice, just like any other. Is this really the world view you prefer?

 

Wow. Just wow.

The part that really gets me are his final words, "is this really the world view you prefer?" That's the crux of this all. More than the fact that I have no actual experience with beer-toting Mid-Husbands (– Mikey was beyond wonderful during the births of both kids; I fully expect him to be the same with Boo), promoting some stereotype that men are inept with things like that isn't a world view I prefer.

 

Absolutely not. For the sake of my son especially, I want to promote the world view that men and women really are like the wings of a bird and each wing needs to be strong to fly. Men are just as capable of nurturing as women. Men are just as good cooks. Men can clean. Men can do everything that is more traditionally delegated to women, and women can do everything that is traditionally delegated to men.

 

Promoting that type of thinking is promoting an outdated prejudice – sexism – that needs to get buried already. I'm glad I got called on the sexist joke I posted. 

 

 

Meriah
Meriah Nichols is teacher and artist who lives in a yurt off the grid. She is deaf, has 3 kids (one with Down syndrome) and a lot of chickens. She writes about travel, disability, and getting dishes done. She likes her tea Earl Grey and hot.
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@meriahnichols

#deaf mom, teacher & #disability activist, living in a yurt #offthegrid. 3 kids (1 with #downsyndrome), a camera and a lot of chickens. Never a dull moment
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9 Comments

  • Hmmm. IDK, when my husband finally figures out the washing machine (going on 15 years of "practice") I might stop posting sexist jokes, ;-).

    I admit I like funny cartoons, even sexist ones… it is when the sexism is embedded into things that are supposed to be taken seriously that it bothers me. For example, I recently read a book that dealt with some heavy family stuff and the husband was nothing more than a beer cooler on feet… that bothered me. But that sort of sexism is so much harder to call out.

  • 1st of all….if my husband had offered me a beer while I was in labor, I would've married him all over again right there! 

    2nd….. cartoons like that are funny because the stereotype is there. I think someone may have been just a tad bit sensitive and may just take himself a little to seriously. To say that posting things like that promotes sexism is a little harsh. I also think that he should rally his male friends to show how wrong that is. 

    My husband was great during the births of my children, but I was very happy that he wasn't the one calling the shots. Especially since during both he continually sang Bill Cosby's "push em out. Shove em out. Way out" while cupping his hands together like a baseball catcher. Mid-husband he was not. 

  • HEY!  The comment box is back!! 

     

    Okay, I totally get where he's coming from.  I suspect my husband would feel somewhat the same way – he's very anti-injustice when it comes to *other people's* double standards about things, like sexism, country of origin, etc.  But oddly enough, he's ready to dish it all out in a heartbeat.  LOL  I'm kind of torn.  I agree that we have to keep in mind our audiences on Facebook – so many people, so many broad and varied backgrounds, so many experiences that may be sensitive to what we post.  It's a tough call here.  I hate to be someone that would perpetuate a negative and innacurate stereotype, when I fight so hard every day to remove them.  I definitely don't want to be a hypocrite, and think that was awesome that you pulled the post down.  I, too, will try to think twice before posting some things.  🙂 

  • Oh please. It was a joke…and a funny one. Especially to me. My husband was virtually silent and close to passing out for the birth of our first daughter, thank goodness I had a doula and a very supportive midwife. For the birth of our second daughter we were at the hospital without doula or midwife. That time I was really hoping my husband would be the coach and support person that I needed, but instead he fell asleep. He also read a novel that he had brought with him while I was writhing in pain across the room. All of that aside, I love my husband and believe he is supportive and caring. BUT…he doesn't the first thing about the pain of natural childbirth. No man ever will. Sometimes I wish people could just take a joke.

  • Please! Then your male friend must be a saint, because I see guys post sexist stuff all the time….and sometimes I go crazy over how PC everyone has to be all the freaking time so as not to offend anyone…some words should be off limits, like the N word and the R word, but other than that I want to laugh and chuckle and be able to make fun of others as I see fit…and for them to be able to tease right back

    • He really is kind of a saint. I mean, he’s my friend’s husband and from what she posts about him (- without urging from her, taking the initiative to take the kids to give her a break to go out, putting the kids to sleep, and more – so much, much more, including he was the only one who helped her deliver her second child at home!) and what I’ve seen of him in person, he truly is kind of a saint. He even glows.

  • If your male friend isn't seeing the sexist stuff that's being posted on Facebook by males then he really must be surrounding by men of real substance. Good for him. Because there's a lot of that sort of sexist posting going on out there.

    I really like how you took what happened and made it into a learning experience. It's one of the things that I really admire about you. 🙂

  • Wow, this hits close to home today. On Mamapedia today, the blogger wrote the ten things men shouldn't do in the delivery room. It was funny. FUNNY. Meant as a joke, just like this cartoon. I saw it when you posted it, and thought nothing of it. Not even if it was about a middle aged Jewish woman who lives in Carmel named Cathy. Geez.

     

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