It’s weird to be content.
You know, I am not sure if it’s because I’m deaf, but I’ve always been highly driven. I graduated from university when I was 19, simultaneously working full-time to put myself through. I went back to school when I was 24 to get my Master’s in International Management and kept going. It was like I always felt something biting my ass, telling me to hurry up, go, do it, try harder, reach farther. NOW!
I’m better than I was before, but I still fall into slumps from time to time, slumps that happen when my spirit gets smacked by the (extremely loud) voices in my head that tell me that I haven’t done anything worth anything with my life.
I *really* struggle with it.
One reason I love traveling so much is it helps me forget the race I have with myself. It lets me just be. When traveling, my mind naturally opens to the experience of right now; it’s easier for me to live in a complete present tense.
But what I’m feeling here in the Yucatan is even more different.
It’s like this blanket of calm. A feeling of peace.
I am so unused to this feeling that it took me a while to figure it out.
I was sitting in the truck with my broken foot up and Mikey came around. “What’s the matter?” he asked. “Nothing,” I replied, “I just feel kind of weird.” “Oh, sick?” he asked, brows furrowing in that concerned look of his. “Noooo…. It’s more like, I just feel…peaceful? Like, I don’t feel like I have to do anything, you know? Really calm inside.”
I’m not sure what it is. Something about this place. The land, with the forests. The walls made of stacked stone. The houses that remind me so much of the Fijian bures from my childhood in that country. Dirt paths in villages.
The vibe from the people is one of calm. Their faces are beautiful, clearly delineating their direct Mayan heritage. Iguanas bask all over the place, my new favorite creature (after hummingbirds, manta rays and unicorns).
The food is delicious too, in the fresh and creative blends. A little bit of this, a little bit of that. Fresh coconut, orange drenched pork, chicken with plantains, tangy cheese in gravy?
Bring. It. On.
I love the sound of Mayan, widely spoken here. Full of ‘sh’s and ‘-ok’s and softness. It is a language that resonates with calm.
So I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.
It feels good.