It’s weird to be content.

It’s weird to be content.

You know, I am not sure if it’s because I’m deaf, but I’ve always been highly driven. I graduated from university when I was 19, simultaneously working full-time to put myself through. I went back to school when I was 24 to get my Master’s in International Management and kept going. It was like I always felt something biting my ass, telling me to hurry up, go, do it, try harder, reach farther. NOW!

I’m better than I was before, but I still fall into slumps from time to time, slumps that happen when my spirit gets smacked by the (extremely loud) voices in my head that tell me that I haven’t done anything worth anything with my life.

 I *really* struggle with it.

One reason I love traveling so much is it helps me forget the race I have with myself. It lets me just be. When traveling, my mind naturally opens to the experience of right now; it’s easier for me to live in a complete present tense.

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But what I’m feeling here in the Yucatan is even more different.

It’s like this blanket of calm. A feeling of peace.

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I am so unused to this feeling that it took me a while to figure it out.

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I was sitting in the truck with my broken foot up and Mikey came around. “What’s the matter?” he asked. “Nothing,” I replied, “I just feel kind of weird.” “Oh, sick?” he asked, brows furrowing in that concerned look of his. “Noooo…. It’s more like, I just feel…peaceful? Like, I don’t feel like I have to do anything, you know? Really calm inside.”

He smiled.

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I’m not sure what it is. Something about this place. The land, with the forests. The walls made of stacked stone. The houses that remind me so much of the Fijian bures from my childhood in that country. Dirt paths in villages.

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The vibe from the people is one of calm. Their faces are beautiful, clearly delineating their direct Mayan heritage. Iguanas bask all over the place, my new favorite creature (after hummingbirds, manta rays and unicorns).

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The food is delicious too, in the fresh and creative blends. A little bit of this, a little bit of that. Fresh coconut, orange drenched pork, chicken with plantains, tangy cheese in gravy?

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Bring. It. On.

I love the sound of Mayan, widely spoken here. Full of ‘sh’s and ‘-ok’s and softness. It is a language that resonates with calm.

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So I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.

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It feels good.

 

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Meriah
Meriah Nichols is a deaf artist, tech-junkie, Counselor (and sometime teacher), mom (one with Down syndrome), cat-lover, Trekkie, yurt-dwelling off-the-grid farmer's wife. She writes about travel, disability, and getting dishes done.

10 Comments

  • Meriah, I have a question for you. As a deaf person how do you feel about the term “hearing loss”? I recently saw a video saying it is not PC to the deaf community. I am a teen with mild hearing loss in my right year and have always used that term preferring over “Hard of hearing” and “hearing impaired”. Thank you for you input. 🙂

    • I personally feel like you should call it whatever fits best for you! I use “deaf” because I HATE “hard of hearing” (- with an acronym of “HOH”; who would??!! “Yes, I am a HOH!”). “Hearing impaired” is okay with me too, but I think whatever feels right is what we should use to describe ourselves…

  • You have accomplished a lot more than many people. Just like Kari mentioned up top…. maybe the race is to just “be” – I agree with her. I just mentioned this point to me friend yesterday before I read your post. Staying in the present is the best place to be.
    Enjoy your beautiful family and life!

  • Hi. Im very much enjoying your
    writing and photos, glad to hear you are finding moments of peace. That is actually something in itself, ie providing emotional stability to your children via your own modeling of calm and happiness.

    Julie (Oakland, CA)

I'm opinionated, friendly & chatty... I hope you are, too