Alameda is the small island off the coast of Oakland where we’ve been living since I was pregnant with Number One.
We love the place – it’s a charming little island across the bay from San Francisco. There is a great beach, a view of San Francisco that is beatable only by the view from the San Quentin Prison and since it’s where people like to move to breed, it’s chock full of strollers, parks, and all things “baby”.
It’s a pretty wonderful place to live, which is I guess why we’ve been there for so long!
Moving on with our dreams and life by way of the Pan Am Overland, and with a big sentimental ball of mush named, “me”, we went around and said goodbye to places that I know I’ll speak of in the future with a certain amount of longing. Like…
My favorite supermarket. That bastion of high flavour, low-cost!
Oh, Trader Joe’s! How I shall miss you!
Our tree. This is where we got married!
Our old apartment… this where I gave birth to Moxie! (bottom left – oh, how we loved this place!)
Our little McD’s – okay we didn’t really need to say goodbye to that place – I know we”ll have more McD’s than we will care to on the road. But I won’t likely forget the stunning diversity in that little play space soon. Hanging out with a Croatian grandma and a Tongan mother while watching the kids….?! Conversations with mama from Hong Kong about the relative merits of various local Dim Sum houses?! You just don’t get diversity like that in many places. And friendly diversity at that.
My true friend, Terre: may good karma follow her through her life. She eased our hearts by taking Dante in for her very own.
We miss him.
Goodbye to our teeny tiny apartment. The place where we grew so much.
The past week has been so intense. Sitting on the floor and just sobbing, wondering WHAT THE FUCK we were doing, HOW ON EARTH we were going to see this through, even just past the point of cleaning the apartment.
It. Was. Hard.
Stupid-hard, like excruciating, take-every-bit-of-our-soul, hard.
Hard to my marrow, hard like,”is it too late to back out?”, hard. Hard, because I hoard memories and I had to throw out truckloads.
Hard, because I had to make choices on what I wanted more: an intangible future or a tangible past.
Guess what I chose?
Yep. I chose the u-haul. The goodbye. The leaving.
Besides the “you can do this!” messages from my best friends, discovering these helped me sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much:
They truly made me pause.
Because I had forgotten, you see. I had forgotten that only THREE YEARS AGO, I was struggling to use these because I had been paralyzed from placenta being left in me after Moxie’s home birth. THREE YEARS AGO I was still in crippling pain and when the physical therapist gave these to me and suggested we try and walk to the end of the block with these, I started crying because I had no idea how I could do it, I was hurting so fucking much.
And here I was crying because I had no idea how I could finish the cleaning, the purging, the scrubbing, the…everything that this move was necessitating.
I can do this, Universe. I can do this, God. Because You carried me this far; I can do this.
I can do this.
Or rather, “we”, because let me tell you : it was definitely Mikey too.
Back to goodbyes.
We said goodbye to our favorite Taco Truck – and MacQ had his first bite of lime!
And our hearts were full as we pulled away.
Our hearts were not so sad – it was time, this is the right thing – we are ready and we want this.
But full. Our hearts were full.
This is Down syndrome Awareness Month in the US – I am participating in the 31-for-21 Blog Challenge through my “31 Photos” – which is a photo a day, on Disability With a Little Moxie. Please join me there, and also for the 3/21 Community Blog Hop which will be held here – same time, same place.