Work can be work or work can be life. Both 4-letter words, but like the other 4-letter words, ‘love’ and ‘hate’, what a difference! You know what they say, ‘do what you love and love what you do’.
For the past 6 years, I’ve been working towards doing what I love, but it’s been an uphill struggle every step of the way. Instead of working with my side towards creating something super-cool and useful, it’s been a fight just for access. I mean, access even on the most basic level of an accessible office. I’ve been the Disability Police and I’ve hated it. I never wanted to be in the position where I had to be pushy and jump on people – but when things are made inaccessible, and when the ‘right’ thing is just not happening when it should… how can I just stand by and watch it happen?
It’s been disheartening. Lonely. I’ve gotten really tired of climbing up this never-ending mountain, and definitely been at the point where I’ve wondered if it’s even worth it. You know? Why am I doing this? Is it even helping anyone anyway? Is it all completely for nothing? Am I just hitting my head in some bureaucratic concrete wall for nothing?
Everything been swirling faster and faster and the wall getting denser and denser. Harder. Higher. Then BAM!! It’s like I was propelled to another side and there is a whole different view now.
I don’t know how things are going to unfold in the coming months, but I do know this: in the past week, I’ve had more support thrown my way than I have in 6 YEARS. I’ve felt more valued and appreciated in the course of last week- one week alone – than I have in 6 YEARS. I’m excited. Energized, I feel like anything is possible – we really can do a lot; these types of programs can be more than great. It’s worthwhile.
10 days ago, I felt like I was having to share a bed with someone I just divorced and it really rankled. Now I just feel completely unbothered by it all. Sure, I am still in bed with someone I divorced, but it really doesn’t matter….let’s just say they are only in my bed to keep it warm for me.
Because I am finally on my way to doing what I love, and I love what I do.
Meriah Nichols is a counselor. Solo mom to 3 (one with Down syndrome, one on the spectrum). Deaf, and neurodiverse herself, she’s a gardening nerd who loves cats, Star Trek, and takes her coffee hot and black.
