Sponges

I don’t know about you, but I remember a bunch of weird crap from when I was a kid. It’s so random – like, those 25 lb bags of carrots that my mom used to buy for us to snack on, and how I ate so many that I could see in the dark something fierce.

I have no idea what my kids are going to remember from this lushly weird childhood that we are giving them. I sure hope it’s going to be good stuff.

Like… I hope they remember how they enjoyed saying, “hi!” to each and every person as we waited to see the doctor – and how the faces of those that they greeted lit up in surprise and delight by their cheerful friendliness.

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I hope they remember how much FUN they made each and every playground visit. How they ruled those small spaces and absolutely wrung out every bit of joy they could.

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I hope they remember stopping to look at flowers with me. I hope they think of me when I’m old, and think of flowers.

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Like I think of them and think of sunshine and bright light.

I hope their memories with one another blend together in a long stream of togetherness and solidify like colorful jello.

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In the midst of all this, I hope they know I tried.

Most of the time, I feel like I’m herding, yelling, nourishing, dressing, praising, admonishing them. It’s like this endless –‘ing. I feel like “no” comes to my lips faster than any “yes” and that bothers me a lot.

I don’t want to be that kind of mother.

But I also don’t want my kids eating crap all day long while being tethered to some device.

“no”, “no”, “NO!”

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I honestly try. I try to rise above my “no’s”, I try to get things going and keep them moving in a happy way. I don’t know if this will be the one thing that they will just happen to remember, you know? Like how I remember the bag of carrots from my own childhood.

Meriah Nichols Effort-5 Meriah Nichols Effort-21 Meriah Nichols Effort-18 Meriah Nichols Effort-16 Meriah Nichols Effort-15 Meriah Nichols Effort-14Solo parenting kicks my ass and I don’t know how single mothers do it.

At least I have Mikey around SOME of the time; at least I have him full time for 5 months of the year.

Meriah Nichols Effort-9 Meriah Nichols Effort-8 Meriah Nichols Effort-6 Meriah Nichols Effort-7But it’s lonely. And it’s hard.

Then somehow we slip into these grooves – like, where the kids just seem to understand me (and I, them) so well – we are on this higher level of intuitiveness. We just seem to gel and I don’t have to actually say much anymore.

Meriah Nichols Effort-13 Meriah Nichols Effort-12 Meriah Nichols Effort-11And then… oh, it’s so sweet.

Like they are sponges dipped in water, soaking it up, soaking it up. And when I need it, they just pour it right back.

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Meriah

is a deaf blogger, global nomad, tech-junkie, cat-lover, Trekkie, Celto-Teutonic-peasant-handed mom of 3 (one with Down syndrome and one gifted 2E).

She likes her coffee black and hot.


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2 Comments

  • i love the “wild” picture of Mac! I keep on seeing Moxie and Mac as same size until the water pump picture, wow she has grown !

    • oh, they still are pretty much the same size… she is a bit bigger, but it’s like half a clothing size!
      How are you?? I have thought of you a lot this month, wondering if your #3 has come… and how you all are…
      xoxo love to you

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