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I received an email night before last from my OB- she said that the San Francisco hospital has pulled through for Boo and I and we are on!

Wednesday, October 24th, it is!

****

 

 

When the tremendous feeling of relief faded a bit – and it's no exaggeration to say "relief" with the intense pressure I've been feeling, coupled his cripplingly vigorous kicks (both of which make me scared that I'll burst or he'll come right out with one of those one-placed jabs).

 

And when the relief faded a bit, I thought, man, how cool is this? I'm going to have one child born in Oakland, one in Alameda and one in San Francisco! The heart of the Bay Area. And for Boo, how fitting to be born in the hospital that provided such excellent genetic counseling and the CVS for him.

 

It all feels right, feels good, feels like it's as it should be.

****

My friends have showered us with stuff – the material things that make it all easier. Mari loaned us her Moses basket, Anne her Arm's Reach – and toys, jumper – even breast friend (heh heh- remember that?!). Katie, her swing, loads of nursing wear, car seat, more.

 

It's all coming together.

 

He's got a couple of baskets of clothes now, a place to be comfortable and you know what? I think that's enough.

****

In a good mood – so relieved, a mountain off of my shoulders – I want to celebrate these last few days of having just two kids. Celebrate the imminent arrival of Boo. Celebrate Halloween too, my very favorite holiday.

 

So we got started with the pumpkins:

She thought it was exciting: paper! tape! pumpkins! ooooooooooooh, yeah!

 

A couple of pumpkins: one for Micah, one for Moxie and I.

He loved the materials, loved the thought of eating the seeds, making something from the innards. He's such an interesting boy. I'll bet every mom thinks that about her boy.

She watches him, I tell you

My heart swelled.

Pumpkins, done! Seeds, ready-set to bake.

Micah wondered if those pumpkins are going to scare people or make them smile.

 

What do you think?

********************

Thanks for all the love you've been sending our way – I'm sure it has something to do with San Francisco creating an opening for us, for thinking working out so beautifully.

xoxox

 

Don't forget – giveaways still going on – Conny Wenk's 2013 Calendar and "Moxie" Keychain.

Plus the Blog Hop.

and…

You might be wondering what will happen with the rest of the giveaways and hops, since I"ll be in the hospital? Were you wondering? Well, I'm going to set up what I can via auto-post. Some things might be drawn out later – like the giveaways – but they will happen.

 

Cross my heart.

 

My friend Gillian featured my little tiny (free!) book of quotes on her blog and that made me really happy. Honored too – since she's a kick-ass writer and it's really nice to have someone that I think is great think nicely of something I am doing and then we fall into a warm and fuzzy 'awwww' pile and it's every kind of awesome.

 

This having friends-you've-never-met thing really rocks.

Here is her post.

Thank you, Gillian.

****

We went to the OB, just like I said we would. We had a stupendously long wait (which thankfully were able to dip out of for a walk and quick meet with friend Katie who lives nearby) followed by a remarkably short OB visit. I'd say it was a ratio of 120 minutes to 10. 10 being with the OB.

 

She did the look-see; Boo is still in breach.

 

Then she wanted to talk dates: when to slice him out.

 

She gave me until next Tuesday to figure that part out. There is something so surreal, by the way, about having some timeline, a deadline even, of deciding when you want your baby to be born. Over thinker that I am, things like astrological signs come into mind, proximity to Halloween, symmetry of the date. Mikey tends to roll more along the lines of, what time he finishes work, will he have the weekend off… and um.. .did he change the transmission fluid already?

 

And by the way – yes, we can wait until 10/31, his actual due date. But if we wait, we run the risk of going to into labor naturally, which if he is still breach, will result in an emergency c-section and possible death in case of his umbilical cord touching air with him still inside.

 

Yeah. My thought exactly: scary, Big Stuff.

****

My Ma picked us up with all that fresh-sponged around in my head and drove us over to San Francisco where we got to dive into the bliss that is Dia de Los Muertos: Day of the Dead. It doesn't technically happen till the 1st of November, but this was an early celebration. Thank God – I like nothing better than Day of the Dead. Halloween is a close second, but Day of the Dead trumps it all.

Might be the alters.

I love those.

Powerful expressions of love – or thought, belief, memory

The kids ate it up.

 

 

 

These are among my favorite parenting moments. Seeing them explore something so new for them, so bright. Explaining what I can about what it all means – in terms as simple as I can come up with. The people in these places are people that I am familiar with, far more so than the MommyCrowd that I see at the park . I love that Moxie was so into the shoes that people were wearing, their tights even. She murmured her appreciation for the heels, smiled up at the wearers, beguiling them to give those shoes to her, to Moxie!

 

It was every kind of great. And as much as I loved it, I popped the party with my exhaustion.

Not that the kids weren't tired too. They were. They just don't have babies growing in them to boot.

Almost-full-cooked-babies that look to be arriving even earlier than expected!

 

 

 

We're PBS junkies (- Romney has us worried), mostly with our cooking shows. We love Jacques and Julia, love just Julia, tasting everything. Love Nick Stellino and his walking fingers. Little Man was without question imbued with more of the sauce of PBS cooking than he was with any kind of kid show.

 

So he's 4 now, he's a fine sous chef. He has his own little knife, he chops and prepares things. Enjoys creating garnishes, adding taragon to his eggs. You know, typical 4-year-old stuff.

So of course she is interested.

 

She likes her some Pepin too. She'll cook a little bit, roast up some things, use the little pots and pans and enjoy the 'sameness' of what she's doing, what Little Man (or Pepin) is doing

 

Till she's had enough and then, you know, just falls asleep.

****

Belly nearly-fully ripe now, I can feel Boo getting ready, set to come out, join his brother and sister. He moves more when I know he can hear them – like when we are in the tub together. I know he can't wait to meet them.

 

I look at them. These two are such a team.

They get along so well. They are tight.

 

So much love between them, real and deep and true.

 

There is a casual acceptance of who the other is: Moxie with her massive messes

 

Micah's willingness to help clean up after her. And his Little Teacher self, needing/wanting to have a student:

 

They have a dynamic between them. A give and take, an ebb and flow. I see them move from take-grab-cry-push to other moments of pure tenderness

I feel a deep, abiding happiness in my heart. For this connection between them, for a sibling love that will hopefully transcend what the future may hold  – and help them through whatever life brings them

******

I think of Boo, coming so soon. This small third person, joining him

And her

I find myself treasuring these last few days, weeks, of having only two kids. Just in the same way that it seems that most parents of an only child savour those last moments of having only one.

 

It's not about not looking forward to meeting the new little person that is on his way; it's just about this moment – enjoying it, delighting in what is, in this here and now.

 

****************

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We all went to Kaiser to see my OBGYN for (what we thought would be) the last ultrasound. My One True Darling, too. It involved a lot, getting there – both cars still being fixed (but will they ever be done? really?) and the big huge truck doing cranky things on the road.

 

But we finally arrived and Mikey got to see the kids in action in the waiting room. That was fun – for me – to see him watching the kids and watch a slowing growing gratitude that the kids can't literally climb the walls or fly. Almost, but not quite.

 

My OB did the ultrasound and. Boo is breech.

Oh, Boo.

Boooooooooo.

****

This sucks in every way imaginable – yes, we have a c-section scheduled for his actual due date (- Halloween!) but that is for the risk of uterine rupture. My hope is and has been that he'd come earlier and we could have a nice natural birth in the hospital.

 

I don't know. I just don't want to go through everything I went through in trying to turn Micah (- headstands in water, walking 4 billion miles, light stuff, moxibustion, acupuncture, inversion – which is awful and painful – and weird poses while watching TV). But I don't want to be this awful mother who doesn't do enough. And I don't want another c-section – oh God, healing from one of those things while potentially caring for my two little people?! Ugh.

 

If you are the praying sort, pray for me and pray for Boo to go ahead and turn in the next few weeks. And if you are not the praying sort, would you give me some nice visualizations of a great, low-key, easy-to-recover-from birth?

Thanks. Needing me some mojo, I do.

* Afternote * My friend Miriam sent me this link to Spinning Babies – this looks hopeful. Any and all other advice, links, information, tips (other than drinking special spin sauce) would be very well received by this Mama over here.

***********

Moving on – a reminder of stuff coming up:

  • October: Month with Moxie: Down syndrome Awareness Month
  • Mondays: Giveaways every Monday for the month of October
  • Friday: Weekend Down syndrome Blog Hop – for the month of October

and –

a word from Tea Collection –

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I was a little incredulous with Little Man's birth, that it was happening it all. Scared of what childbirth would be like, I focused long and hard on the actual passage of his body out of mine. We had the last-minute find of his being breech and the 11th hour struggle to turn him around (- inversion, acupuncture, moxibustion, swimming, headstands – you name it! we did it!).

 

 

My joy in his life was overwhelming. I couldn't believe he wasn't going to be taken from me. That every form in the hospital highlighted most of all that I was his mother; that he was my child.

 

****

Caring for him was relatively easy. Mikey was 200% with me, jumping up in the middle of the night to hang out with me while I fed our Little Man. We'd watch travel shows, borrowed from the library, "where do we want to go tonight?" is what I remember most from that time. And the pain – healing from the c-section was awful – it took me over 6 months to walk without (much) pain in my back.

 

I remember that too. All the pain.

 

****

With Moxie, I was obsessed with natural birth and trying to avoid the hospital. My anger over "the system" and how powerless I felt within it took over and maybe was a relief from my fear of welcoming this child of mine, who would be coming with Down syndrome, the one and only disability I've ever been very scared of.

 

She came.

 

Perhaps instead of feeling the astonishment that I felt at Micah birth – that I was going to be allowed to keep him – I felt a claim to Moxie like 'no one can every take her from me'. More of an assertion than a feeling of incredulous ness.

And oh, the love. The love!

***

Healing from the home birth was a breeze compared to the c-section – I was walking easily within a week. Everything was so much simpler, pain-free. At least, until the placenta which the midwives had left in me became infected enough to paralyze me.

 

Then I spent the week in the hospital, away from everyone, including Moxie, in excruciating pain – far worse than anything I'd ever experienced before. With one doctor telling me "sometimes we don't get what we want in life" as she was pushing me to agree to a hysterectomy that same afternoon. Thankfully my fever went down and I escaped her clutches, but the entire affair, which I call "The Placenta Incident" not only shook me to my core, it changed me fundamentally, in my gut. I simply could not go back to work and leave my kids after that. Nor could I continue to walk the path I had been walking, the "normal", "more typical" American one of two working parents striving to "get ahead", planning for the house with the white picket fence.

 

It also changed me in that it did such a number on my body – both the infection as well as Kaiser's actually trying to figure out what was going on with me (which involved 2 D&C's, massive hemorrhaging and a punctured uterus) – that right now, my OBGYN, unable to tell how fully my body recovered from it all, considers me "high risk." The upshot of this? We have a c-section planned for Boo – on his actual due date of Oct 31, but if there is anything that doesn't look good, he'll need to come out sooner. The risk of a ruptured uterus is there, and that risk isn't one to shrug off.

 

****

I haven't been scared of birthing Boo until now. I suppose I'm  starting to feel twinges of all that went with my other two precious people's births, memories of the pain, vulnerability and helplessness. I'm feeling scared of mishap, of negligence. I want to write my will, and then I think that's just morbid.

 

I'm praying a lot these days.

 

I know Mikey is too, in his own unique way.  I know he's scared. He is, after all,  the working father of almost-3 who will bear the full brunt of caring for a recovering wife and THREE rapscallion munchkinlings if things don't go well.

 

So I'm trying to tie things as neatly as I can. Thinking and planning for the kids – their homeschooling schedule for the months of October, November. Thinking and planning for the housework. Thinking we should stock up on paper plates and utensils, too. Whatever we can do to make things simpler, easier, is what we need.

 

And that includes food. My friend Melissa pre-chops and assembles whole crock-pot meals in advance and then freezes them. Takes them out bit by bit, as she needs. That sounds like a total winner and I'd love to do that.

 

Do you have tasty crock-pot recipe favorites? Things that make your taste buds sing, things not-beige? Will you share?

 

** I put the call out on facebook and there was a fantastic ensuing thread – which I'm posting at the end of this, for everyone – there is some great stuff there! **

 

Are there other tips and tricks that you have done that work, in terms of preparing for a birth, just to make things as easy as possible for everyone?

 

Things that boost my mojo are handy too. I'm trying to buff up my spirit, dive into that feeling that all is well in the world and everything is going to unfold absolutely perfectly. This is an adventure – sometimes it's scary. That's okay. It's going to work out.

 

Right?

Right!!

 

***************

A note from Tea Collection:

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Awesome Facebook Thread:

I want to make like Melissa and assemble crock-pot ready meals in preparation for Boo. My big question: what can you make in the crock pot that doesn't totally taste "beige"? Anyone have favorite recipes you'd care to share?

Melissa What exactly do you mean by beige?

  • Meredith  I only know the beige recipes…
  • Lexi  Amy restrictions? Things you don't eat?
  • Lexi  Any
  • Adrienne Hmm what does "beige" taste like anyways? LOL
  • Tiffany  I want in on this…I'm a 3-casseroles-after-meat-cooked-in-the-crockpot kind of girl…tagging along….
  • Crystal  I make beige meals in the crock pot all the time! My secret for good crock pot meals is using those packets in the dry sauce section, the ones for slow cookers 🙂 There's a chicken and tomato one that is FANTASTIC! The only down fall is that it's not truely home made as i'm sure there's also lots of sodium and crap in them :/
  • Melissa  Also, are opposed to a recipe that you actually do cook first and then freeze?
  • Gary  lots and lots and lots of garlic and onions, your family will love you and you will be keep the vampires, witches and crazy neighbors away!
  • Meriah  ‎"beige" is a word that Meredith  introduced me to (it was you, right, Mere?) – to describe the sort of blandness that comes with the crockpot food. Like how it all sort of tastes the same. Blends in just like beige does. You know what I mean? Lexi – no restrictions, other than we like taste. Crystal, what's that about packets in the dry sauce section? Melissa , what do you mean by cook first then eat? I mean, yeah, I'd be cooking the stuff right? I want to assemble all the packets like you did in the freezer with the fresh ingredients, then take them out as needed and cook. Easy cook. Crock pot cook. But (is it possible?) crock pot with lots of taste?!
  • Penny  Are you only looking for complete meals?
  • Melissa  Lol- sorry, went back and edited that. I meant cook and then freeze, because a lot of the recipes I've been using lately you don't cook first, you just freeze.
  • Our answer is to just amp up the spices. We use chili powder, curry powder, different hot pepper based spices, and tone down the basic salt and pepper. (Did you get the recipe list I sent by fb message?)
  • Katie  lentils, sweet potatoes, carrots, cayenne pepper, ginger (the spice kind — my mind is totally blanking on what it's called now – but not fresh ginger, though I suppose that could also work?), cumin, salt pepper. I think that's it. My fave.
  • Penny  This is yummy; someone mentioned that you can marinate chicken breasts before you freeze tHTML too….. http://www.facebook.com/notes/penny-putman/cafe-rio-recipes/232295956788430.
  • Adrienne I must be doing something right then because I haven't had the pleasure of a beige crock pot meals. LOL
  • Penny  Me either, Adrienne !!!!
  • Melissa Corn Soup – you have to cook then freeze, but it's yummy!
    20oz frozen corn, thawed then drained (or you could use fresh)
    1 cup chicken broth
    1/2 stick unsalted butter
    2 cups milk
    2 garlic cloves, minced
    1/4 teaspoon salt
    1/4 teaspoon pepper
    1 small can green chiles
    1lb boneless, skinless chicken breast – baked and then cubed
    16 cherry tomatoes, cubed
    8oz monterey jack cheese, cubed
    1/4 cup fresh cilantro, chopped
  • Puree corn and chicken broth. Melt butter and pour over corn mixture. Cover and bring to boil – be sure to stir. Add milk, salt, pepper, and chiles. Bring to a boil then simmer for 2 minutes. Add chicken and tomatoes, heat through.
  • Remove from heat and add cheese. Stir until blended.
  • Melissa  Easy Chili
    2-4 cans beans – any kind you like (or you could go the fresh bean route, but it is more time consuming, we use no-salt-added canned beans)
    1lb ground turkey, chicken, or beef – browned and drained
    1 can diced tomatoes (or you could use fresh)
    1 green pepper, diced
    jalepenos, diced (as many as you like for heat)
    chili powder and garlic to taste
  • Throw all that in a ziploc bag. Freeze. Cook in crock pot.
  • Joey  Hamburger Soup Very easy and yummy. 1lb hamburger 1 bag of mixed frozen vegies 2 cans of any kind of tomatoes you like. potatoes cuebed. italain spices garlic. cook hamburger put all ingredients in crock pot and cook on low for about 4 or 5 hours. very yummy and not beige.
  • Lindy House Chocolate Lava Cake in the crock pot is amazing.
    What, you don't eat that for dinner?? 😉
  • Lindy  I use this site a lot http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/
  • A Year of Slow Cooking
  • crockpot365.blogspot.com
  • Kelly  I only do super easy. I do these two all the time, both are great.
  • Bbq chicken: chicken breasts, bottle of bbq sauce, brown sugar, some italian dressing, warshestire (uhhh sp?). I don't really measure things, either….
  • Mexican chicken: chicken breasts, packet of taco seasoning, jar of salsa.
  • Both on high for 6 hours, or low for 8. All you have to do is stir to shred.
  • Meriah  I like corn soup and stuff like that, but we have a pretty small freezer, Melissa… I think I have to stick to slim-fitting things, I can't think of how else to do it.
  • Melissa  Hmm. Maybe skip the pre-package and freeze ahead part, but just have the ingredients ready to go in the pantry? And just keep the meat and frozen veggies in the freezer? Or, you could individually package just the meat along with all the seasonings, and then add the other ingredients when you put it in the crock pot? That way you are literally just dumping stuff in the crockpot rather than gathering a ton of ingredients?
  • Chari  Any vegetarian crock pot meals?
  • Megan  A few weeks ago, a threw a pork tenderloin from TJs in the crock pot with a jar of TJ chile verde salsa over it and it was yummy…it made great burritos, then enhanced a salad for another couple of meals.
  • Lisa Varandani Cuban ropa vieja – yum!
  • Alana
  • ‎4 lamb shanks
    1 15oz tin stewed tomatoes
    1 large chopped onion
    juice and zest of 1 lemoon
    1/2 cup balsamic vinegar
    1/2 cup white or red wine
    1 – 2 tsp salt
    1 bunch chopped fresh basil
    — Either 3 hours in a dutch oven at 350, or 8 -10 hours in slow cooker
  • Meriah – ‎Alana – that sounds DIVINE. Lisa – how do you make that? ANd Megan – it's funny you mention that because it's the ONLY thing I can do that's not beige, in the crock pot. That stuff is GOOD!
  • Leah  I do a ton of soups. But I usually find that I prefer stove top or oven cooked meals. If I am home during the day it's really not much more work but you do have to check and stir occasionally. I'll go through my stuff and find the good ones later today.
  • Meriah  This is just for after boo vines – and before. I'm getting really tired and font feel much like cooking… Be good to have everything lined up…
  • Meriah  ‎*comes; don't. Oh autocorrect! Why must you make me talk gibberish?!
  • Crystal  It's the club house spice mixes I love. They give you the list of ingredients on the back, add them and whatever amount of water and the packet and volia. Takes me like 15 minutes to put everything together. I also use 
  • Jennifer   Bottle of TJ's red curry, bottle of the yellow curry, pour over chic, carrots, potatoes, onions, add unsalted peanuts and apples 30 minutes before you're ready to eat.
  • Leslie  Very easy cheater one (& cheap too)- go to Trader Joes & buy turkey meatballs & roasted garlic marinara. Throw in crockpot on low 4-6 hours. Eat over pasta or throw in a roll with a slice of provolone or mozarrella to make delicious meatball subs.
  • Kelley  I'd say for boo arrival and without much freezer space maybe get a hit list of the very easy "dump a bottle/jar" style ones. Buy all, freeze just meat and just "make" it in the crockpot rather than the into the bag, freeze for later prep.
  • Meriah  that's a really good idea, Kelley  – seems like there are a lot of those "dump 'em" jar type recipes here on this thread – makes it MUCH easier
  • Melissa When I pre-portion meat, I write right there on the freezer bag "add 1 cup broccoli, 1 jar sauce, serve with pasta" then I don't even have to look up a recipe.
  • Kelley  I'd even print the list of receipes and put it in the cabinet next to all the purchased jarsostuff so as the completely eliminate thinking. But lots of prepeeled garlic in jars too to add liberally.
  • Kelley  ‎*what Melissa said. 😉 actually I was inspired by Melissa too. I made 2 new crockpot meals last week and I have 2 bags of surprise awaiting me. Neither were beige. One involved hot wings sauce and frozen peaches on pork 😉
  • Meriah  Recipes please Kelley! Those sound FABULOUS!!
  • Kelley  I made that one up actually: 3 lg chugs hot wing sauce, 6? Froz peach halves, half a lil can tomato paste, a chopped onion, green pepper and lots of smashed garlic cloves and I think I added ketchup at the end cause it was a little too spicy even for me. And probabky cumin, salt etc. Oh and it was all dumped on a big chunk of lean pork. I stick blended the sauce after and it made this very yummy tho lil weird BBQ sauce, still using sauce on other things as nava ate the pork plain 😉
  • Leah  I am a wing it without a recipe kind of gal, but here are a couple that I love. Spicy Chickpea Potato Stew- 3 cups cooked garbanzo beans, 1 onion, chopped; 3 cloves garlic, minced; 1 jalapeno (optional), 1-1/2 tsp ground cumin, 1/4 tsp ground turmeric, 3/4 lb tomatoes (or 1 can diced tomatoes), 1 lb potatoes (yukon golds, ideally). Puree 3/4 cup of garbanzos with 3/4 cup water and reserved. Saute onion, garlic jalapenos in oil. Ad spices, tomatoes, pureed garbanzos, potatoes. Bring to boil, then reduce and over until potatoes nearly done (about 20 minutes). Add rest of garbanzos, simmer until done. Season with salt, pepper. Garnish with cucumber, red onion and cilantro. Great in tortillas.
  • Leah  Lentil soup: Cora's all time favorite. Can be made with so many flavors. 1 onion, 5 cloves garlic, 1 cup lentils (red is the best!), 1 can diced tomatoes, 4 cups of chicken or veggie broth, 1 tsp thyme, 1/2 tsp fennel (optional), 1 yukon gold potato, 1/2 tbs smoked paprika (optional but good- can also cook with hamhock for great smoky flavor), 1 bay leaf, 2 carrots, 9 oz of spinach, chard, kale or other leafy green. Saute veggies. Add lentils, broth, spices, etc and simmer until done (45-60 minutes- or in crockpot).
  • Kelley  Thanks Leah, I got out of the lentil habit and was just thinking it was time to start again!
  • Myria  Cranberry pork roast. It is awesome and perfect for fall. just dump a pork roast in and cover it with (mix it together first) a can of jelled cranberry sauce, a 1/4 t. cloves a 1/2 t. ground mustard and 1/2 c. apple juice and 1/2 c. sugar. Roast on low for 6 hours or so and it makes its own gravy for mashed potatoes. I serve it with asparagus. It is sooo good.
  • Meriah – ‎Penny – for the Cafe Rio chicken, you put it in the crock pot still-frozen? Did you pre-assemble all the ingrediants?
  • Meriah  btw – I'm going to blog this thread if it's okay with everyone – sans last names and photos of course
  • Melissa  Only if you post some awesome pics of Moxie and Micah enjoying all these fun recipes. 😀
  • Meriah   haha! That'll happen after Boo comes. We have to get our act together and ASSEMBLE all of this first. Good stuff though. Wow. So much. Quick question – do you even drain out the beans from the can and add them to the freezer bag? Or do you not add it ALL and just make a note on the bag to add it?
  • Kelley I think it *should* be blogged! 😉
  • Penny  I have not put it in frozen. I would think that you could either freeze everything together and put it in the crock pot on low for a LONG time, or freeze it together, take it out overnight in the fridge, to thaw a little, then toss it in the crock pot on low…..

 

PS.

We went shopping. Bought the stuff for EVERYTHING above ($110), tried Myria's cranberry pork last night and boy. Yeah. That was no "beige" receipe.

PS2

The crockpot recipe books don't work for me – I have 3, all turned out astoundingly beige. 

The title is intended to off put. If you are a guy or not into birthing and all that, you'll have a better time reading another post. How about Mad Max Land? You might like that more.

***

This is a different pregnancy than my other pregnancies. It's different as I'm sure all pregnancies are different from one another – babies are clearly unique little beings right from the get-go. Boo moves differently than my other two did. My bladder, for example? His favorite stomping ground! That little guy is a mover, on par with in-utero Moxie.

 

My body is different. It's bigger, it's older, it's more stretched out, perhaps. With this pregnancy, I've felt intense pain in my lady parts. INTENSE, excruciating pain. My OB says it's normal (right along with that incontinence!), it's normal, normal, normal – have more than one kid? It's all more painful and just… blah. I guess maybe I'm sort of comforted knowing I'm "normal", but then again, I'm not because I just want this pain to go away and I'd like to sneeze without holding my parts like a 3 year old that needs to go pee.

 

As my friend Meredith says, "oh, the indignity".

The pain – it gets awful at night, so bad I can barely move to turn in bed. I prop myself up with a million pillows, one under my back, one between my legs, another under a thrust out leg, more wedged around just so I don't slip or anything. And don't you know it – and as soon as I'm finally sort of comfortable, I have to go to the bathroom and so, painfully, slowly, I extract myself from my nest, turn the pregnant "3-pointer" and crawl off on down the loft bed. On repeat. All night.

*****

Meanwhile: my belly. I am HUGE. I think I now resemble the offspring of a whale who mated with a slug. I am HUGE. I saw photos of myself the other day and just sobbed. I'm so big that I wonder how on earth I'm going to grow more?! I mean, I have about TWO WHOLE MORE MONTHS!

 

After that sob fest (and believe me: it was a sob fest: I was lying down, crying the big huge heaving kind of sobs, My One True Darling was desperately trying to think of the "right" thing to say, but really, I don't think it's possible for a guy to know what the right thing to say is in moments like that), I made a commitment to myself to put more energy into self-care. I went to pre-natal yoga. It's bliss over there, a room full of women with round bellies and just as hormonal as me. Awesome!

 

Signed myself up for my very first pre-natal massage. I will get my toenails down, hair too while I'm at it. I have got to do this; I have TWO WHOLE MORE MONTHS. I'm going to go bat-shit crazy with hormones and depression if I don't act now to take care of me.

****

Moving brisking right along, come 7 o'clock and there is a whole lot of this at our place:

Wild children. Beached Mama. Inner dread of putting the kids in their bath, brushing teeth and putting them to bed. It's one of those horrible catch-22's. I dread it so I procrastinate. Then finally, I have no choice but by that time, I'm even more tired plus they're tired (tired kids! fun!) and it's just a ball of whack. Nights are good when Mikey's around to help, or better yet, just do it all and let me go to bed.

****

Having kids makes it harder but it's also direct encouragement.

I really like my kids.

I enjoy their company.

Watching them play and stuff… makes me so happy.

 

Reminds me that it's all worth it. 9 months of roller coaster discomfort in exchange for a little person.

Yeah, yeah. I can do it.

I can do it.

Two more months.

 

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